Ok, this is veeeeery annoying…

Soooo, I can either throw ecto under the bus for not posting the body of this first post to the blog, or I can pretend that I never hit save (I DID!) and what uploaded (a blank post) is what I had.

Regardless, here’s to coming back into the game, distracted, unorganized, desperately still in need of dissertation progress, and ready to kick the sh*t out of anything that interrupts my flow and momentum on writing.
* clicks “SAVE” *

Take me to the river, drop me in the water.

As an ex-whitewater river guide, River has taught me many things, possibly even more once I stopped guiding. So this is one of my main metaphors for this project. And I have some things lines up, like meds (!), time, and almost a bit of clarity. Drop me in the river dammit, because I know how to navigate and survive WITH holding on to a sense of wonder and awe while I’m in it.

Now (here comes Mr. Excuse) if only this neuropsych testing report would go away so I could just focus on this proposal…hard to cook and run a river, so having two big things at once is a reasonable cough excuse.

But I’m all for nudging others if in fact I can get nudged, too! Let’s have substantial (all??) portions of our proposals done by Monday, August 31, 2009. I’m done with my Internship on Friday, August 28, so I’m allotting a day or so to party and recover. It’s the least I can do after being torn about this year.

By the way, I also do not know what the final form will look like either. Qualitative is the direction I’m leaning, but if I can do a quantitative project, that would be cool, too. I haven’t done one full-bore before, and I’d like the experience. Of course, the best dissertation is a DONE dissertation, and I also have the option of doing a program design/evaluation that would line up what I would do with data, but by proposing a program, I don’t have to actually carry it out. A bit more work on the front end (proposal) but a great project nonetheless, and it might be something I can actually implement (like my own little business plan).

Ok, start paddling. “All ahead!”

Soulcraft, Rumi, and a Dissertation

I never fell asleep. Maybe it was the Ladysmith Black Mambazo playing in the background of our room, something to help me sleep. Maybe it was that shot or three of flat Mountain Dew I pounded just before heading to bed (why was that here? I so rarely drink soda now) keeping me up. There are at least a dozen other associations that come to mind.


But I think I just found what I needed to move forward with my dissertation proposal. Connection after connection. And I woke up. Right to the laptop and type type type. Head to bed? Well, let’s pull this one book out to put some form to this line of thought. “Soulcraft” by Bill Plotkin. I know it well. I flip to the Contents.

And what is before me on the page, at 1:12am after getting out of bed on this Tuesday night now Wednesday, discovering the missing links that seemed to keep my project from moving forward, from keeping me from carrying out my vision “on this side of the trees,” from completing this fairly insane process?

The same quote that Julie, my wife, painted on our bedroom wall in New Hampshire while I was away in New Mexico on my Vision Quest the summer of ’07. Rumi:

“The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

Where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don’t go back to sleep.”

The Blog’s Direction – Away from the [Tech] Heat

Ok, so I’m looking at the blog’s stats (yeah, now THAT’S called procrastination!) and I realized this summer I was getting a lot of hits when I was posting on cell phone this and that. It was hot. I hope I had some observations and questions that were helpful for people.

Then, we moved…twice…technically 3 times, and I didn’t post much. I still haven’t posted much then.

I’ve also realized I had bigger dreams for starting a blog, especially in the wilderness of integral studies, integral ideas and concepts, and those of us who defy easy categorization due to how our minds and souls work.

At the same time, with the intensity of my internship, this always-looming dissertation (please, Self, get going on the proposal, please), the move almost out of the way, two boys under 3 years old (amazing – in what they give to me and how much energy they use!), and the usual stressors of family and such, I haven’t had the time, psychic space, nor the creativity to really pound out posts.

I’m surely not going to keep posting on cell phones just to keep interest. I’ve also realized I’ve almost never posted to other people’s sites, so how in the non-Google world would anyone stumble upon the site?

So, I’ll keep posting the updates on this and that (get ready for a happy post – Samson’s ears have taken a turn for the much better!), but I’d really like to start throwing some raw ideas about this and that in the integral world. The recent move to the land of many people (20 miles outside of NYC) coupled with the economy/state of the country, has me really rolling on sustainable and ecological-friendly ideas for what our government and the rest of us can do to curb out dependence on oil (any oil, regardless of where it’s from) and live more in line with our sustainable selves.

Get ready for random posts. From a divergent mind. Trying to put it all together.

Feel free to post comments, ideas, etc. That’s what this is here for.

NaNoWriMo or Dissertation??? Ok, the choice is obvious…

But now that it’s November 1st, how great will it feel to potentially have next November available to write a novel of some sort! I don’t think I’ll have as much energy and excitement doing 50,000 words for my dissertation, but this is the time to start pounding some things out. It HAS to happen.

Have any good tips for keeping on it? Free babysitting offers? Prayers of clarity in terms of my topic? Recommendations for move forward with my proposal for a divergent thinker like myself?