When to start writing?

So I hit one of those places where I never find time to write, but in fact, I’m probably looking for the time it would take to write some manifesto or something.

All of nothing. It sort of is how I operate, even though I know it.

But there’s lots of my mind, in my heart, testing my soul…no shortage of things to write about.

I also seem to dance between living in the moment and stopping to write. Again, one or the other, not necessarily a balance of both.

I recently purchased Julie Cameron’s “The Right to Write” – I’ve been a big fan of her work for a long time. With a dissertation that needs to really start soon, massive transitions, and the need to integrate a great deal of teaching and learning, I thought it might help me out. Gonna crack it open while the boys are outside.

We’ll see where it leads me. Sparrow taught me to say “yes” to the unfolding. I have one particular outcome in mind, and it might be time to let that go and say yes to what comes.

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Hobbies, Self-Care, Vision, and Joy

Tomorrow is my last day of class.  I woke up this morning really tied up in knots.  For many reasons, some obvious, some not so obvious.  It’s interesting for me to notice that the past two days I have been knowing I need some exercise…even a walk.  I could feel that tension building to a degree that even in the rain, I needed to get moving.

So waking up all tied up today sans exercise (the past few days as well as for way too long – only 2 road bike rides so far) was all the more difficult knowing I’d have to really push to make time to release some energy.

After tomorrow, I should have more time for many things that have been left behind, neglected, forgotten about, etc. during this 4-year marathon of a graduate school program.  And to think I still have a full year of internship and dissertation left…

What are some of those things (not so much “people”  because those ones are too obvious) that, in between today’s bouts of excitement, sadness, joy, and despair, come to mind?

•    Photography (in particular more nature photography I used to do)
•    Gardening (we’ve had a pretty sweet garden the past 2 years, but it was starting from scratch and now we’re moving)
•    Exercise (weights, triathlons, mountain biking come to mind as things I haven’t done.  I’ll keep up on hockey, hopefully snowboarding a few times next season, road biking (still new to me), and showing the boys what nature is.)
•    “My Practice” – this is what I call the larger things that make up spiritual practice and growth
•    My Vision – time to go back to the Vision Quest and ween or prune out what’s not useful anymore.

This is just a starting point.  But it’s refreshing to know that I might have some psychic space opening up to “tend the garden.”

But first, I can’t wait to experiment with trying to stay in bed for 24 straight hours.  Recovery begins on Tues.

Saying Good-bye

Almost 4 years in one place – one house, one town, one main job (grad school). This is the longest I’ve been in one place in quite some time. I suppose I lived in Ann Arbor for longer during my undergrad yeras, but there was a new room or new house every year. Even going back to Ann Arbor for over a year afterwards was great, but still different.

But this place, this land, this community, this endeavor, these people – it’s going to be so hard to leave, and I’m sure leaving won’t be just driving away. It’s already started, and I’m sure it will continue after the house is packed up and we roll out of town. The connections, the trials, the work, the experiences. Rich. Heavy.

It is safe to say that I have never connected to people and a place like I have here. Truly. It speaks to the power of this place and people, but also to my own journey and growth. It has rarely been easy, but I’ve gotten my hands in things I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve pushed harder than I’ve ever pushed.

The wild thing is that we don’t even know where we’ll be living next year…where the boys will be in daycare. Sure I know where my Internship will be, but there’s no place lined up, no other income. Fortunately, there are some family and friends in that area, but they can’t really put a roof over our heads for the most part.

But the attention right now is on the good-bye. There are some rituals in my program that will happen in a week. I’ll have to think of some for myself as well.

The way life unfolds continues to blow me away. Even at this moment, I am seeing a client/patient who has been through a great deal of loss recently. He is struggling to say good-bye while at the same time moving forward with his own health. Recently, I reminded him that my time here is limited as well. My next move is public knowledge. He quickly tensed up, fearing another loss and more abandonment.

So, I’ll finish up this section of my training with a parallel process working it’s magic. We are both learning how to let go, to say good-bye, to open up to new beginnings, and to just saying “Yes” to the unfolding of life. Right at this critical intersection, we’ll have to say good-bye to each other.

I have left places with a bummed heart. I have left places with a middle finger flying in the air as I drove away. I have left places without barely noticing. I have left places wondering why I was leaving.

I will leave this place in such a new and different way. In that process I will say “Good-Bye.” I hope I do it well.